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The End

01.27.05 (9:54 pm) [edit]

So it is with partial sadness that I end this blog. Read my Xanga or Blogspot Blogs instead. Peace.

Jefferson Aero Plane on a Thursday

01.27.05 (9:26 pm) [edit]

Word to your mother. Yeah, yeah, I'm back with another update. I was gonna update last night. It's Kiki's fault. Shake your fist at her. Or don't. She's a nice person and is having an awesome day today. At least wait till tomorrow to shake your fist. Be respectful. I realize I'm talking in mainly fragments, but I don't care. I'm not an English Major. Which is also a great song.

I'm in a really random mood right now. Not quite sure why.

I bowled the best game and series of my life, bowling a 158 the first game, a 206 (my career high) the second and a 196 the third, for a 560 series. I was mucho pumped. It was a good time. I've been bowling with a fun team, it's been great.

So apparently there has been some controversy or something with Dr. Midgley, our new president. See what happens if I leave that school for one minute? If anyone has any information so I can have a clue as to what's going on, please share.

So I'm starting another blog, but this one has a totally differnt theme. I am titling it, "Storytime with Bob". I will be posting short stories or my novel (one chapter at a time) there for your enjoyment. It should be interesting. I love creative writing and just writing fiction and poems and stuff like that. I like to think I have a talent, but I'm not really that good. Tell me what you think, and please be honest. I love constructive criticism as chances are its not perfect.

I've been very much into Relient K lately. I can find a song that is exactly how I feel every moment it seems. Trademark just seems so appropriate for my life as of late. Those who have not heard their music are missing out.

The talks with Kiki as of late have really put me in an amazing mood. She can put things into such perspective and really dive into who I am. I feel like things, spiritually, are improving as well. She is quite the encouragement to all facets of life really, and it's been a good time. I think something I will need when I get back to Rose is to find a church in Terre Haute to call my own. Anyone who is interested in this quest with me is welcome, but I think I need to just find God in Terre Haute as well. It is soo easy to find Him here, as He is shown in the lives of my family and friends, but He isn't quite as evident in the Haute. Faith is very much steered away from at school, as there are few there and we don't want to offend anyone. But I think I need to dive out and see exactly what it is I believe and why, away from family influence. I mean, I'm pretty sure I know what it is that I believe, but mainly the basics as I have never dove out of my comfort zone to just let God move me and see what He wants to show me. I can say this all I want, but unless I act, it means nothing, so we will see where things lead when I get back. Keep me in your prayers.

It's my, my trademark move
To turn my back on you
It's my, my trademark move
To realize I should improve

And sometime soon after that
You'll see me come crawlin back

So reading Nick's Blog made me want to watch "American Beauty". Such a great movie. Such great quotes. Kevin Spacey is absolutely amazing in it. It's amazing what can happen when a man decides he has nothing to lose and just lives.

So I was planning sleep, so I will end this with some Relient K of course.

if it hurts,
kiss it better
you wear skirts,
i write nice letters
never said nothing with flowers
though we always talked for hours
and it seems to get much colder
when you cry on your own shoulder
and we know the show
must go on
guess i know
i guess i'll throw on

some jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows

cause when it's colder
i feel much better
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and when i'm home,
i think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window

i'll make the calls
you cover your ears
niagra falls
still flows on new year's
i will save
your plunging neck-line
kiss your face
you try to deck mine
if i behave it's going to cost him
stop the rave in downtown boston
and we know the show
must go on
guess i know
i guess i'll throw on

some jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows

cause when it's colder
i feel much better
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood
and my ego, the status quo, provides me with a decent attitude
and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and when i'm home,
i'll think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window

cause you confused me more than anyone
an adjustment has begun
to let me feel the desperate need to leave what we undid undone
and maybe you could sympathize
with the bags under my eyes
and we'll see the signs are saying that we have used up all our (tries)
try to be a better person
to be a better friend
to be a better son

he tries to be a better someone
that understands the difference
and that he can't show all the people
all the things that really mean as much as he could
feels like i don't remember
ever being this tired
before now my eyes were closed to all of the beauty in this world

jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows
jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows

cause when it's colder
i feel much better
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood
and my ego, the status quo, provides me with a decent attitude
and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and i'll go, oh yes, i'll go
and hope the new me shows so everybody knows
that i've found myself able to fly away
without magic feathers or jefferson aero planes
i've got with me all that i need

BTW, just out of curiosity, I was wondering who all reads the lyrics?

Worldwide Socialites Unite on a Monday

01.24.05 (7:22 pm) [edit]

So I wanted to update last night, but that drive home wore me out, sorry. But the drive home was a good time to really be able to think. I wish I could blog in the car. I have so many things that I would like to publish that I think of in the car, but don't remember by the time I get to my computer. Blah.

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion
Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
It's harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
~Relient K "Forward Motion"

So I decided that on the road of life, I am a drunk driver. I swerve off the path in front of me, kind of blurred vision as to what is ahead and don't exactly have the best reaction time. It makes total sense to me.

I think it might just be alright
To leave what matters out of sight
Old habits die hard holding on
Inevitable means it's never gone

Told myself what I need to hear
I think the point was very clear
I showed me what we'd missed since we
Slipped into inconsistency

It seems as if my ties with you get severed
I cant seem to hold a thing together
I just fall apart, cause that's my trademark
~Relient K "Trademark"

I really enjoyed my weekend in the Haute. I wish I was still there. I miss all those people so much. Absolutely love my Sunday Dinner group. This week I made homemade pizza and priazzo. Priazzo is awesome. It's like a double decker, deep dish pizza. It was my first time making it, and it turned out rather well. It's crazy. Each time I cook, it's like I try to outdo the last one I did. This one is gonna be hard to top. Pretty soon, I'll just start going easy, so don't get used to these meals, guys. :-P

Initiation was great. It was truly a great time to see my little brother initiate his own little brother. I actually have the start of a lineage. He's a real good guy too. We all had a great time at banquet, too. There was a live band, which I was a little unsure about at first, but it turned out to be quite awesome. It didn't hurt having a hot date either.

So when I get to the moment that I start to think of way I might be content not going back to Rose, I go back to visit and see how much I belong there. I belong with the people, I belong with the classes that actually make me think. I belong at Rose. And I don't think I ever fully realized it as much as I do now. I think this whole thing has caused me to appreciate my friends and how much I really had just that much more.

We worked out more details of the apartment next year. I am rather excited about it. We found that living at VQ next year, that even rather high figures will be about half the price of living on campus. With those numbers, I can't afford to not live off campus. And it's gonna be a fun apartment too. Living with Nick, Mike and Adam, how could it not be a blast? Ya'll will have to come visit plenty. I think may even host a cast party or two, but maybe we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves.

Been having a great time talking with a friend of old that I didn't know that well, but our friendship has grown much over the past couple of weeks. She is such an interesting person and just a joy to talk to. She makes my day often, so my hat is off to her. She knows who she is.

Well I think I'm gonna leave you with some All Star United. I love this band sarcasm to get a point across. Fits me well, I must say.

At the top of the social ladder I speak
Let me welcome you here officially
To the back drop of martini clatter
Break the ice with superficial chatter
I'm glad to be this year's MC
To greet the chic and the elite
Yeah, you finally get to mix and mingle
Pressing flesh until your fingers tingle

Worldwide socialites unite
OK, alright

The band is grander than I recall
The talk is cultured, if a little small
Keep parading your charading manners
Keep pretending that it really matters
Don't ask, don't tell
And please don't stare at the emperor
In his underwear
Special thanks to the snack committee
Heavens, don't those tarts look pretty

Worldwide socialites unite
Enjoy the conversation
But try to keep it light
Just avoid the friction
And if you feel conviction
Well then, baby, step outside
Let's keep the "lite" in social
Let's keep the social light
Let's keep the "lite" in socialite

Worldwide socialites unite
Avoid the dreaded question
The meaning of our lives
And as to God's existence
Well, that's your private business
And, quite frankly, impolite
Let's keep the "lite" in social
Let's keep this social light
Let's keep the "lite" in socialite

All You Got on a Tuesday

01.18.05 (9:24 pm) [edit]

So this one will be rather short as I need some sleep, but I thought I may give you something to chew on.

So tonight I watched "Big" with Michelle. It was quite the good time. Good company, good movie. So for those who have not seen the movie, this kid wishes upon a carnival magic thing that he could be big, and wakes up the next morning as Tom Hanks. Well later on in the movie, this lady falls in love with him, but learns he is only 13. Now basically, I was thinking, how crazy would it be to find someone you totally connect with and become nuts about to find that they are a 13 year old in a 30 year old's body. I can't even imagine. Chew on that awhile and give me your thoughts.

Got to talk with someone I've never been able to just sit and talk with before. We had the same group of friends, but I don't know, I just never had a full, real discussion with her. Turns out we have a lot in common and just had a blast talking. It was great and we made an agreement that we talk more often. If by more often we mean more than before, it shouldn't be too hard, but none the less, the discussion was fun and we wish we had gotten to know each other more in high school, as we did after all spend 3 years in the same school and barely said a word. I think we talked more last night than we had all the years we had known each other. Crrrrazy.

I will now leave you with some Tait lyrics.

I heard you say that no one seems to care ‘bout you
It’s in your eyes, you think that life’s unfair to you
Just give it all you got, my friend
Just give it all you got, it’s not the end

Cause you oughta know
There’s a reason for these changin’ seasons
God only knows how much your heart can bear
So don’t you let go
Everybody has their up and down times
Everybody needs to know how much they’re loved
My friend
So hold on, it’s not the end

As I remember everything you touch
Would turn to gold
You held the secrets
To make your grandest dreams unfold
You were the very best of us all
But the sun that rises still falls

It’s just a love song
Cause everybody needs a friend
I’ll be right here for you
Just a simple prayer
It’s from the bottom of my heart
That He’ll never let you go

I'm Gonna Show You Love on a Sunday

01.16.05 (9:28 pm) [edit]

So I am trying something new and starting a blog on blogspot.com. I've gotten fed up with the inconsistancy of tBlog, so I am trying a new server. Check out both and tell me which one you like better. I'll keep both up for the next week, updating on both, but unless I get plenty of people saying they like the tBlog one better, I will probably be moving permanently to blogspot. For those reading from Blogspot, the tBlog address is http://bobprescott.tblog.com/..., and for those reading from tBlog, the Blogspot address is http://bobprescott.blogspot.c... As you can see, I am quite creative. I figure this way it's easier to remember. Whatever.

I am in a quite hateful mood, quite hateul towards Boston. Sorry Allison. You see it has been a Boston team to take the national title out of my teams hands in both baseball and football. Coincidence? Grrrr. Blah.

So this Strep Throat has turned into more of a cold. More Blah. I hate being sick. It sucks. I get to go to Rose this upcoming weekend though. That's exciting. I miss all my Rose peoples. I got to chat with a few of them. That was kind of interesting. Even if not for having an interesting conversation, it was interesting just the way we communicated. Through Nick. It is quite humorous to talk to 5 different people through one person.

So turns out a lot of people actually read my blog. I find it quite interesting actually. I have no clue who all actually reads, but at the wedding last night someone told me they read my blog, and even went as far as to quote it. I was quite amazed. However they had a different interpretation of my feelings, causing me to wonder what they have said to mentioned persons how they think I feel. Reading back over that sentence, that will probably make no sense to anyone but the person I am talking about in the first place. Maybe I should just stop being half way secretive. I dunno, kinda takes the fun away then.

So my friends, Betsy and Jeremy got married last night. It was a beautiful ceremony and quite different from the wedding I went to the weekend before. For one, the size. Betsy and Jeremy's was huge taking place in one of the largest churches in the area, seemingly inviting half of Millstadt. And Karin and John's was pretty small, only family and a few friends from church, in Bellecourt, where they also held the reception. But they were both good times. Michelle was in the wedding party and absolutely gorgeous. We had a good time dancing all night and trying to convince our friends to come on out and join us on the dance floor. Jadah was out there of course, as she loves to dance, and Sloth was out a lot, surprisingly enough, and I must say, not doing a bad job on the dance floor either. I was rather impressed, as he does not seem to be the type to dance much. I guess it just goes to show you that first impressions aren't a guarentee. But to get Sommer and especially Josh out on the dance floor was like pulling teeth. At a wedding, no one cares if you can dance or not, just go out there and have a good time. This is a celebration. In fact you can go out there and pull out some wacky, totally white moves and people love it. But people are still too embarassed.

Next rant, and its an oldie, but why do women go for assholes? Even these christian women who hang out in their bible study groups, full of young adults, co-ed, go for the assholes in the group. The ones that are nothing like the girls claim to be looking for in a guy. Are these guys just more attractive than me? Are they more forward than me? Can you not tell if I'm interested without being an asshole? I mean what is it that makes girls look at me, then look at an asshole and think, "Bob is a really great guy, but I think I will take my chances with the asshole."? Okay, enough ranting, it's probably a dead subject, and most of you are either rolling your eyes or saying, "Dude, I know, been there, it sucks." I found this article and many of you have seen it as Nick posted it on his blog after I showed it to him, but for those who haven't, you may appreciate this. Ode to Nice Guys

I really don't have much as it is hard to think with this bloody headache, so I will leave you with some Jars of Clay which have just felt so right.

Speak - say the words that no one else will ever say
Love - love like the world we know is over in a day

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

So tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
No, I won't regret to let love do what love will let
We can drown in mixed emotions or walk across an angry sea
This is the cost of being free

Save Tonight on a Tuesday

01.11.05 (8:13 pm) [edit]

So I may have Strep throat. This sucks. See this morning I woke up with a sore throat. And then we get a call tonight to find out that the pastor's daughter, Beth, has strep throat and this sore throat that my dad, mother and I got may be more. Blah.

Last night had the thickest fog I think I have ever seen. We are talking fog so thick that the street lamp light never reached the ground. I would be driving and the car would nearly pass me before I saw their headlights. It was crazy.

Work sucks. It's either boring or highly stressful. Nothing in between. Although I have made a list of things I have learned so far from this job.

1. Your boss will probably be rather incompetant. Deal with it.
2. Your boss will assume you can always do it faster, no matter how fast you do it, even if you are Superman. Deal with it.
3. If two other people can't find a file, it may not mean it missing, just that your co-workers are just as dumb as your boss. Deal with it.
4. Patience is everything. Not just so you can keep your sanity, but so you can keep your job as well by not killing all the incredibly stupid people around you. Deal with it.
5. Radio does not come in well at work, especially in a parking garage. Country does. Deal with it.
6. Work sucks. Period. Deal with it.

See a pattern here?

Tonight I rented "The Village." Such a great movie. M. Night Shyamalan is a genius. This movie has such beautiful dialogue, I am reminded of Shakespeare, only I can better understand it.

Ivy Walker: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?

Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.

Got to talk with Jesseca tonight, just like the good ole days at school. I must say, I miss that. So thank you Jesseca, for making a wonderful night of deep conversation.

Oh good times. Well I should get to bed, so I will leave you with some Eagle-Eye Cherry.

Go on and close the curtains
cause all we need is candle light
You and me and a bottle of wine
going to hold you tonight
Well we know I'm going away
and how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
let's delay our misery

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
to take me away it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
darling please don't start to cry
Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Something Beautiful on a Sunday

01.09.05 (9:12 pm) [edit]

So I was gonna go to bed since I have work in the morning, but I got thinking and well, then I have to blog. So all you blog stalkers out there, thank Mike. And I guess thank Jesseca too, but anywho, these last few days have been crazy.

So Mike wins the award for most versatile blog...ever. He can be such amazingly deep, and like tonight, friggin hilarious. Here is his most recent post as I am such most of you will get a kick out of it.

Mike: Dang, I'm lonely... Girls suck. I hate being such a nice guy. I'm never gonna get any action...

Allah: Pst. Hey, Mike.

Mike: Whodat?!?

Allah: It's me, Allah.

Mike: All-who?

Allah: Allah, you've heard of me. You know in all those movies where the terrorists scream something when they blow stuff up? They're screaming "Allah!". That's me.

Mike: Oh... I'm not a big fan of terrorists. I think you should leave.

Allah: Nah man, hear me out. I got this fly situation for you.

Mike: Did you just say "fly"?

Allah: Shutup. See, I want you to strap on some C4 and...

Mike: WHOA!!! I don't think so screw boy! I've got stuff to live for! I'm an aspiring Computer Scientist! I think you should leave...

Allah: You won't have to do your DISCO homework...

Mike: I'm listening...

Allah: See you strap on this C4 and you go out and blow up near some people.

Mike: PEOPLE??? That's not cool... To put it in your terms, "I am not down wit dat. That is not 'fly'."

Allah: Hey hey hey man... There's a reward!

Mike: I don't really care!

Allah: I've got 71 virgins for you...

Mike: Look, I SAID I... whoa whoa whoa, you got 71 WHAT?!?

Allah: Das right. You heard it. Virgins. Think Fresh.

Mike: Dude, you totally ripped that off of Marsh.

Allah: So sue me.

Mike: Can I use my Fresh Idea card and go for a nice round 80?

Allah: My card scanner is broken, so no.

Mike: Do I get them all at once?

Allah: This isn't Utah.

Mike: I don't know... Sounds fishy... You never said hot virgins... Maybe they're virgins for a reason... Can I see some pictures?

Allah: Look, I don't run a dating service. 71 to 1. Its beats the odds where YOU'RE at.

Mike: Good point... hmm...

Allah: See this red button here, this is what you wanna push...

Mike: Hold up a sec. I've got other plans. You know, if I wanted 71 girls all to myself, I could just go hang out at Saint Mary's. At least then I could leave if I don't like what I see.

Allah: Yeah, but they don't have any VIRGINS.

Mike: Other girls don't count.

Allah: Damn.

Mike: Even so, I'm not that desperate yet. I think I'll just be kickin it single for a while. I'm gonna have to turn you down, Allah.

Allah: Did you just say "kickin"?

Mike: Shutup.

I encourage you all to read Mike's blog. It can be found at http://mikezimusprime.blogspo... Join in on the controversy. See I love controversy in a blog. I know people are often afraid of it, but why can't every one be entitled to their opinion? If I say something you don't agree with, think about it and give your side. Maybe there was something I didn't see, or maybe something you didn't see. But let's use our minds to come up with the most logical reasoning. And sometimes it's just different for everyone and opinions can't eb swayed, but we can rest in the knowledge that it was thought about with an open mind, and we hae brought all angles forward so we can make the best judgement. That's what I love about blogs with comments. A mind is a beautiful thing, and I love to see it used.

So yesterday, I went to a wedding with the ever most lovely Amy. We saw a couple, both our age get married, commit the rest of their lives together. Wow, I cannot imagine being married at this point in life. I have enough trouble taking care myself that I cannot imagine being mature enough to be married. I don't think I want to be that mature yet. I have a lot of life ahead of me and I need to take it one step at a time. It may sound selfish, but I have way to much going on in my life to think about a wife. As well as I feel I should be able to support the woman before I am ready to marry her. Right now I am living at home, at a $7 an hour job, quite a bit in debt and my academic future is not certain at all. This isn't the life to bring a wife, the person I love with all my heart into. I'm a little leary about wedding at such an early age, but something at that ceremony struck my mind. The pastor talked about how this couple not only married the guy/girl he/she is now, but who he/she will be 60 years down the line. Wow, what a profound thought, and not something people usually think about. In fact that seems to be the number one reason for divorces, that person had become someone other than the person they married, and so they want out. People forget how people change over time and that the person you married will not be the some person you married. Period. I don't care what you say, people change with the experiences that they have. Unless they don't experience anything, in which they will change because they will lose that grip of reality and life. People change, that's how we were made, that's how life is. You can't deal with working with someone as they change, you are not mature enough to get married and maybe you should wait on it.

But anyway, it was a nice simple wedding. I had a good time. I love dancing with Amy. She's so good, I feel dumb dancing next to her, but she loves to see me dance with her and that smile that it brings makes it all worth the while. I got to swing dance after I requested the ever popular, "Zoot Suit Riot". It was sooo great. I love it.

So I have found a date, so all you ladies who have yet to put in your resume, sorry the position is filled. I have found a wonderful young lady, who will be most fun to have there and quite the dancer I might add. I am definately looking forward to the dancing. I love to dance, which may be weird for a guy, but I don't care. I'm me, take me as I am. I am told this is a plus as far as girls are concerned, but most don't seem to take notice. Oh well, I don't dance entirely for the ladies anyway. I do it because it is soo much fun to just move to the music as we were meant to do.

Dang, this was suposed so be a short post so I could get sleep, and then I went off on my tangents. Oh well, enjoy. Here is some Jars of Clay because they rock and express me ever so well.

If you put your arms around me, could it change the way I feel.
I guess I let myself believe that the outside might just bleed it's way in.
Maybe stir the sleeping past lying under glass.
Waiting for the kiss that breaks this awful spell.
Pull me out of this lonely cell.

Close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me something.
Change this something normal into something beautiful.

What I get from my reflection isn't what I thought I'd see.
Give me reason to believe you'd never keep me incomplete.
Will you untie this loss of mine, it easily defines me.
Do you see it on my face.
That all I can think about is how long I've been waiting to feel you move me.

Close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me something.
Change this something normal into something beautiful...

And I'm still fighting for the world to break these chains.
And I still pray when I look in your eyes.
You stare right back down into something beautiful.

Resolution on a Wednesday

01.05.05 (9:03 pm) [edit]

Ok, ok, here is an update. Sorry I couldn't update before. I was doing so well and then holidyas hit, and needless to say, I was busy. Mighty busy. So now I will update. So this for you, Sami. And apparently the committee who decided I need to blog more.

Hmmmmm, so what has happened since Christmas Eve, when I last posted? What hasn't? Well to start off, Christmas was enjoyable. I got a new bowling ball, which I am very proud of. It is red, white and blue, swirled. It looks pretty cool. It also has a reson surface or something like that which makes it grip the lane even more than normal balls. Following the guidance of my father and Gordon, that guy who taught me how to give back massages and has five 300 games, I got it drilled with a finger tip grip. This way I can still put the spin I want to on it, and be able to throw it harder as I can grip it better. Apparently in the long run it will make me a better bowler. I dunno, I trust the advice of a guy with multiple 300 games. I also got a beard trimmer. This way my goatee can't get out of control. ;) I also got a few collared shirts and a pair of khakis, then "Oscar" on DVD from my sister, Kasey, and a really cool poster (baseball themed, of course) from Amy. I got to spend some awesome time with family. My brothers loved the gift Danny and I got Jimmy. Yes, you read right, my brothers. Danny and I got Jimmy "Need for Speed:Underground 2" for the computer. Jimmy is a car nut, so we felt this game would suit him well. Jimmy played it for about half an hour and then Danny tried it out and played it for the next two and half days. Jimmy didn't mind, as his fun came from seeing the car get upgraded and Danny let him choose most of the upgrades. Later Michelle and her brother came over as well as both Danny and Jimmy's girlfriends. Insert awkwardness. See my parents have been trying to set me up with her for years now, concerned that I'm gonna find someone from far away, they want me to marry a hometown girl. Now I don't even really want to worry about marriage right now, but that's the first thing they look at as soon as I date someone. But so there are my brothers, and their girlfriends of over a year. Yeah, Jimmy has been dating Maureen for over a year (it was a year a couple weeks ago) and Danny has been dating Leslie for about three years now. It nuts, nuts I tell you. But anyway, there are my brothers and their girlfriends, and then there's me and Michelle and you can tell they are all hoping for some chemistry there. And I dunno. There are many things I love about Michelle, she's one of my best friends for crying out loud. And I can't say I have never thought about dating here, because I have. But sometimes I wonder if my actions in the past (read:Kristen situation, if you don't know, I'll tell ya later) have caused that to not be a possibility any more. I don't even know how she feels about me. We may have been friends for too long, that we can longer see each other as more. I dunno, it's a crazy world.

Speaking of crazy, so on the night before New Year's Eve I was involved in a project called, "24/6", a 24 hour play festival. On 7:30 the night before, six directors each choose a writer and two or three actors out of a hat and one prop. Then the writer had till 6am the next day to write a script using that prop as a center piece or even a metaphor for the entire script. The goal was a ten minute show. Then the directors were given the script at 6 and had till 8 to make notes and such. Then the actors were given their scripts at 8 and had till 2:30 to have it memorized to be put on at 7:30 that night. It was a crazy fun time. Again I apologize to Nick and Mike for having to miss the party in C-Bus, I had forgotten about this committment I had made way back. My parents weren't too sure about me going anyway, so this made it more possible for me to come to Rose for initiation. So apparently the memorization can be pretty hard on stage for some people as when I got on stage, the other person there froze when it came to one of her larger lines. I even tried little cues, trying to give her hints about her line, while staying in character and not losing the flow of the script. That is the worst thing for an actor to ever see in another actor's face who is on stage with them. Just that look of "I got nothing." They know it's their line and they know there's something to it, btu nothing else comes to their mind. So I skipped down a little in the script hoping to catch her at a place where she remembers. But no luck. It was horrible. I thought I was gonna die up there. I thought, "I cannot carry this script, I need you to do something." Amazingly, we finally found somewhere where she had a little something, even though it still wasn't the right line. In the final blackout, I just about passed out. It was finally over and I just wanted to crawl away and hide in embarassment. Here I was with, at least in my opinion, the best and deepest script, and we had just comepletely flubbed it. In a script of six pages, we did maybe 3 and half of them. After the show my dad came up to me and asked if a little bit of that was adlibbed. I told him, "You could say little." "Oh, but not much I'm sure, I couldn't even tell the little you did, it just seemed like a lot to memorize so fast." Was he joking? Was he trying to make me feel better. Turns out he honestly couldn't tell the show had gone horrible. And apparently he wasn't the only one to feel this way. The only people besides the director and writer, who were amazed that I still pulled it together without much help from her, who knew that much improved, were the people we told. So I went from feeling like the biggest loser on stage, to an amazing actor who can keep a script that is dying together. Which is amazing symbolism for a play called dying roses about a guy who's wife killed herself. Great script. I was very much impressed with the script and the amazing deepness of it, especialy with such little time to come up with and write. Jordan, my hat is off to you.

Then after the show, I picked up Amy, and he headed to the Main Street Blues and Jazz Club. The guys who had put the show together had rented an upper room for a New Year's party, but apparently, you have to be 21 to be in there after 11, since there is a bar underneath, so we headed towards Justin's to party. He has a fun basement and we turned on Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve hosted by Regis. I still fin that rather odd, that they still called it Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve, even though he had nothing to do with it. So the only reason we really turned it to that was to watch the ball drop. Nothing says happy new year like the ball dropping as we count down the seconds. So two minutes before midnight they go to a commercial, leaving us a little confused. Normally a set of commercial last more than a couple minutes. The commercials are over 5 minutes later and they come on, telling us they made a mistake and seem to have missed the ball drop. WTF?? How do you miss the ball drop. You had one job. One. No one cares about what band you have playing, if you don't do the ball drop well, mission failed. Dick Clark probably had another stroke right there. All I'll remember from that program, besides there is apparently a reason why Ashlee Simpson lip syncs, is Regis coming on after the commercials and appologizing for missing it. ::blink, blink::

So by now, everyone is getting rather tired, I mean after all, we had been up since 7 am that morning and been moving about non-stop all day trying to get this show ready. I took Amy home and Michelle called and said they were heading back to her house for an "after party in St. Louis" party. I saw someone there I had not seen in nearly 4 years. I did not remember her being so absolutely gorgeous. She had about the most amazing, sparkling eyes I have ever seen. They just seemed to glimmer. I was intrigued, and had to actually make sure I didn't stare. I had fun with this group as I always do. Advice, you can learn a lot about yourself when you fall asleep, but are more of laying there with your eyes closed and not moving a muscle. I was most relaxed, but I could still hear everything that was going on around me, so when people say something to you and you don't respond because you don't feel like moving enough to do so, they assume you are asleep and can't hear you. And so they begin to talk a little about you without fearing of what you would think. It's quite interesting actually.

So has everyone made New Years Resolutions that you probably have already broken? People never make realistic resolutions and so they most always come up short. Some leave them so general its nearly impossible to tell if they have followed through with them. Like, I will eat a more healthy diet. Or I am gonna work out more. Unless you currently don't work out at all, how can you measure "more"? Should these resolutions be measurable anyway? Or are they just something to point you in the direction you want to be heading, so it is just a time to figure out where you want to be headed? I think we should treat more days like new years and reexamine where our life is headed, how we like it and any changes we want to make. If come February your life is heading in a direction contrary to where you want, why wait till the new year to fix it?

Caught up on a friend's blog tonight and I am intrigued by the level of maturity that is shown on her blog. She has decided to tell it like it is and just give her perspective on things, and a well thought out perspective from what I've seen. My hat is off to her, I'm sure she knows who I'm talking about.

I was listening to the radio the other day, and a Justin Timberlake song come on and it got me thinking, "Why do people hate him?" It's because he's white. Now that may sounds racist, but think about it. If he were black, people would love him. A black guy can sing like him and basically sing the same thing and everyone loves him and guys want to be like him. But a white guy does that? He must be gay. That's our defense mechanism. He's gay. White guys see a guy that girls are obsessed with and so to defend their masculinity, he must be gay. Girls do the same kind of thing. She's a slut. But not as much as white guys, and the thought just kind of irks me. We did the same thing with Leonardo DiCaprio. I see it more in music though, especially with boy bands. The Backstreet Boys were gay. So many girls we knew were nuts about them, so we had to tell the girls they weren't interested, they were gay. Hmmm, not quite as interested in them if you think they're gay. People of the opposite sex lose just that much hotness when you realize they are gay. When you realize, they aren't interested in you or your entire gender, they just aren't quite as hot. We try to do that all the time to guys we are afraid might be too hot for the girls around us. I dunno, maybe we are jealous, but it's not his music. In fact if usher had done some of those songs, they would have been the shit. But since Justin did it, it is shit.

I miss theatre, but it is getting better with my latest project. See when I heard that another church's youth group did a dinner theatre, I thought, how much fun would it to do one at my church. So my dad challenged me to do it. Make it a fundraiser for the youth group's mission trip. And so I found a script that I liked, pitched it to the youth minister. He loved it and gave me the thumbs up. Tonight I held auditions and I think I have cast an awesome group. I am really excited about this whole project. I am co-directing with a young woman from church who had wanted to do the same kind of thing but hadn't put it together. She is currently heading the drama team, something I had been running before I left for school. She has been in a few plays in college and stuff, but this is her first show directing. She has already come up with new ideas and great contributions, so I look forward to directing with her. You know what they say, two heads are better than one.

Reminds me of a "Ghostwriter" episode. Man, I loved that show. Definately my favorite growing up. Well I am getting tired to so I will leave you with a very appropriate for the time of year, OC Supertones song.

I've meant to do this for some time
I've gotta get it right this time
This time my God I will be Yours,
All my heart, my soul, and mind
Been so long since I truly smiled
But You touched my heart today
Reached through my mind of mud and mire
Consumed the idols in Your way
So I am brand new Today, I make my resolution

Been down so long that is seems like up,
I took it now I've had enough
Of the life that I've been livin'
It feels so cold this far away
So Today I will make a change
I will make a change today
Purge my mind of mud and mire
Cast all my gods away
I am brand new today, I make my resolution

Looking back the way I used to be
It was just me and God
Can I be there again?
Today I make my resolution.

Carol of the Bells on a Friday

12.24.04 (8:39 pm) [edit]

Merry Christmas y'all. Hope your holidays are going awesome. I don't have much as I will be going to bed soon. But I will post my favorite christmas carol in the christmas spirit, as I really do enjoy the carols once it actually gets close to christmas. Before then it's just annoying. Please share your favorite carol in the comment section. You don't need to post lyrics as, althought you can if you are that ambitious. So hope you all have a great time with your families. Merry Christmas to all...and well, I guess a good night as well.

Hark! how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say, throw cares away.
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold
Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is their song,
With joyful ring, all caroling
One seems to hear words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air
O, how they pound, raising the sound
O’er hill and dale, telling their tale

Gaily they ring, while people sing
Songs of good cheer, christmas is here!
Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!
Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!

On, on they send, on without end
Their joyful tone to every home
Hark! how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say, throw cares away.
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold
Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is their song
With joyful ring, all caroling.
One seems to hear words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air
O, how they pound, raising the sound
O’er hill and dale, telling their tale

Gaily they ring, while people sing
Songs of good cheer, christmas is here!
Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!
Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!

On, on they send, on without end
Their joyful tone to every home.
Ding dong ding dong

Hanging by a Moment on a Thursday

12.23.04 (8:29 pm) [edit]

Why do I bother making plans that involve other people? Why do I continue to tell people of things I would like to do, and when they are interested, take the initiative and plan something to do? It's not like if I say, "How does a movie sound on (fill in the day here)?" people are gonna keep that in mind and not make other plans. Even if I get a multitude of people interested and them tell me to just let them know the details, it's not like they are actually gonna plan to do it, and not make other plans at the same time. I'm getting tired of this. And it's not like it's a recent development. People seem to do this to me all the time. Anything I do anymore seems to be what someone else planned. Am I not doing this right? Do I not listen to what people think or want to do? Am I not communicating very well? What am I doing wrong? Please, let me know. Constructive criticism is always welcome, in any way for any thing.

On a lighter note, Cardinals signed Eckstein. Seriously, did you think I would not update you on my Cardinals? So we lost Matheny (my favorite player), Woody, Kline, Renteria, Womack, and Anderson, and gained Diaz (a back up catcher), Eckstein (veteren shortstop and leadoff man), and Mike Myers (lefty reliever) and resigned Carpenter, Eldred, Mabry, Morris, and Taguchi. More to follow.

I saw the time, and I need to get to bed. I have to be at work in less than 7 hours. Blah. I leave you with some Lifehouse. I love these lyrics, but maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic. A rather sexy hopeless romantic at that. Who likes long walks on the beach... So if you would like to get prettified for the Pike Banquet on the 22nd of January, I do not currently have a date, and I am currently accepting applications. Don't worry, if you just want to dance and have a good time, that's fine too. We don't have to make out. :-P

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Free Falling on a Wednesday

12.22.04 (4:55 pm) [edit]

So I finally have a job!!!! Woohoo!!! So I am now working at St. Elizabeth's Hospital in the radiology lab, doing file management. I work decent hours (a little early to be honest, but I can't afford to be picky), Monday through Friday making $7 an hour. I even get my nights and weekends off, which it is more likely that I can come visit my Rose peeps. Hooray!! I would have to say this is probably my easiest job as well. When the radiology lab calls, I find the file they request, and send it on up. And then when they send files back, I file them. And then any time the files leave or return the file room, they must go through the computer first, but they can be scanned in with the barcode, so that's easy as well. The files are filed numerically, so if you can count, you can file. It's nice to have such a brainless job every once in a while.

That's been about my life lately. Been getting a lot of christmas shopping done. I am pretty much competely done with most of my christmas shopping. I'm done with my family shopping and thats what's most important. I won't be seeing most of my friends until after christmas anyway.

I plan to go to Columbus for New Years, so all you Rose peeps, get your ass there for New Year's Eve. It's gonna be quite rockin'.

Mohoney has a new blog. Props to him. Now if only a certain person who blogs through another blog would get their own public blog. [cough] Jesseca! [/cough]

I enjoy people moving towards the blog type of just posting random thoughts. I love to see people just make others think, and just consider why we do what we do.

I am currently watching the Illinois-Missouri bragging rights game in St Louis. Illinois is currently ranked #1 in the nation, so it's been kind of fun. I have to admit, I really don't care that much about basketball, but it's fun to watch when your team is doing well.

I'm having quite fun with TheFacebook.com. I am now connected to nearly 700 people through friends. I'm building my own network already. :-P My friends at Rose, according to the facebook, has grown to over 100. I love adding friends, it's almost like convincing myself I actually do have friends.

Not much else, so I will leave you with some Tom Petty lyrics. If you noticed, I changed the format of the subject to say the song and then I will mention the author so I don't have to cite at the bottom. I think it looks better like this and makes the subject a little more interesting. Let me know what you think.

She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too

It's a long day living in Reseda
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard
And I'm a bad boy cos I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

All the vampires walkin' through the valley
Move west down Ventura Boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
And the good girls are home with broken hearts

Now I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

Free fallin', now I'm, free fallin', now I'm
Free fallin', now I'm, free fallin', now I'm

I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin'
Gonna leave this world for a while

Toby Mac on a Saturday

12.18.04 (9:09 pm) [edit]

So it's been a while since I last updated. I've actually been busy, amazing enough. Thanks to everyone who has been commenting now on a regular basis. You continue to make my day and show how you care. Keep it up, you rock.

Now time for a quick job update:
So on Wednesday, I went in to Adecco, a temp agency and put in an application. I had brought my resume by on Monday, but apparentyl they have an application day every 3rd Wednesday, so he wanted me to come in then, but he kept my resume on file to go in with my app. After filling out the application, we had to take a small timed, 20-minute, 20-question test. Now this has to be the easiest test I have taken in the last 10 years. If the first 6 questions take you longer than 30 seconds total, I think I would advise you to go back to sixth grade and get some thing figured out before you tried to do anything involving words. I'm not even sure why they called it a timed test, because if it would take you the full 20 minutes, you prolly couldn't even fill out the application in the first place. Amazingly enough, I put my pencil down and looked across the table at the guy in front of me and could see 3 blaringly obvious mistakes on his test. It made me think, if these guys beat me out for jobs, I must be fucked. I go on to the interview, mind you with the same lady that had basically turned me down before she could hear much of my experience when I had come in a couple weeks prior, and she is so impressed with my resume and how nice it looks. "Wow, you have computer skills...Can you use Word?" ::blink, blink:: I had omitted Word from my list of Computer skills as it is pretty much assumed when you can use the other Office programs and list several programming languages and such, Word is obvious and it would be insulting a future employer's intelligence to tell them I can use Word. Look like just a filler. But no, she was curious. "Yes, I have used Word most of my life, as you can see my resume was typed in Word." A look of amazement covers her face as she states, "Wow, you did this in Word??" ::blink, blink:: Are you kidding me? She was actually impressed I did this in Word? Now I would be impressed if someone did this in something other than Word. It took everything inside of me to keep from being a smart ass in this interview. I could not believe how amazingly computer illiterate this person was. So I left the interview, leaving this lady in awe of my "amazing" computer skills. I could even do Photoshop. W00t.
On Thursday, I had an interview with TGI Friday's. It lasted maybe 5 seconds. He sat down, said, "Hi, I'm Chuck ::handshake:: so I see you went to school in Indiana, are you transferring?" Shit, um give him the best scenario, at least for him. "Well, I will be taking some classes at a local college and looking to go back to Rose in the fall." His reply, "Oh, well we don't hire people that aren't gonna be here for at least a year or two, bye." And with that he got up and left. That was it?? He couldn't have called me or something to tell me that?? I wasted my time driving a good 20 minutes to this place for a 5 second interview and I didn't even get the job.
Then on Friday I get a call from Adecco, stating that she had a job offer for me. Alright, I thought, I'll finally have a job. Then she tells me about the job. I would be working a good 45 minutes from where I live, making 5.85 an hour, working the second shift, 3-11pm. Ugh. Not exactly what I was looking for. I asked how long it was thinking, well maybe I can accept this job for now and get something better, but it was indefinate as they would look to hire me full time, which is nice, but now im stuck full time making less than I'm looking for, at a time I don't mind working every once in a while, but don't want to work all the time, some place thats rather a long drive every day away. Blah.
Then today, my good friend Brad calls me and let's me know about Schiappa's restaurant. I had applied there earlier, but had yet to be contacted from them about anything, so I had assumed they didn't want/need me. But apparently they had hired a new manager shortly after they took my application and somehow it got lost in the process and never made it to the new manager. So he tells Brad to have me come in back in fact they are interested. So I fill out an application again and talk with this new manager as I do, going through my interview. Basically it went extremely well and the guy did everything short of hiring me on the spot to let me know I have the job. I should know in the next few days how that turns out.

Last night I went out with a few of my high school friends. It was really nice to just hang out with these guys again. A lot had changed since we were in high school and we had matured a great bit. We went to see "the Machinist" at the Tivoli, a movie I would highly recommend, but you need to see it without reading any interviews. Christian Bale was simply amazing in it and showed such versatility with his character and gave him such a great personality. Apparently, he set a hollywood record for amount of weight lost for a part as he lost 63 pounds for this part. He started at about 193 and ended at 130 and looked even scrawnier than that. And to think he had to bulk up immediately following that for "Batman Begins" as the new Batman.

Tonight I got to hang out with Amy and watch Spiderman 2 at her house. It was a good time to just get to hang out and talk with this good friend of mine.

Speaking of Spiderman, I could really feel for the guy. Sometimes I feel like I'm Spiderman, flying through life, not totally sure about the direction he is going, or who he totally is, getting screwed all movie long, everytime he gets something going, he runs out of spider web and falls plumeting to the earth, totally in love with the most beautful girl he has ever laid eyes on, but this girl is the one girl he knows he can't have. Kind of a rather deep movie and really deep character on many levels.

So I've decided I want to live in a storybook. People always talk about the story book endings, but that never happens in real life, or they wouldn't call it a storybook ending but a real life ending, or just an ending in general if there was no difference. But there is, and we got screwed by living in real life instead of a storybook. Sometime, I wish I could just combine the two and get life to work out exactly as the storyboards say, but apparently, no one else got the script.

I have found that people rarely really want advice, but rather someone to tell them what they want to hear. Myself included. Sometimes, you ask someone something and they resond not according to the script and you just want to be like, "Stop, um wrong line. I believe the correct line is, 'Yes, that sounds wonderful'...any time now."

Its getting late and I have church in the morning, but I will leave you with more Toby Mac as he has been the main thing in my Cd player lately. Great CD, try it.

I'm a brand new man, I'm a conscious man
I’m a man who’s burnin’ for you
The mistakes I’ve made have been chased away to the bottom of the ocean blue
I’m a brand new man in a foreign land, I’m a man who’s feelin’ that fire
And it’s all so clear when I’m standing here at the peak of my desire

So won’t you move me like you used to
I want the world to know I burn for you

I feel revived again, I am alive again
(Burnin’ for you) You got me lifted and lifted you lift me up
I feel revived again, I’m energized again
(Burnin’ for you) You got me lifted and lifted you lift me up

(Let the smoke clear)

Woke up in a sweat, those ghosts in my head
Had a grip, but I slipped on by
It’s a whole new day as the darkness fades
And the sun’s climbing in the sky
I concede, my love, that I need your love
I’m before you, a broken man
And it’s only you, no substitutes who can renew this soul again

You got me higher than Kilimanjaro
Got me believin’ I can “save the day”
I’m up and running like there ain’t no tomorrow
I’d rather burn for you than fade away
I’d rather burn for you than go my way

I’m a whole new guy with a whole new vibe
Changed inside – more flame in the fire
Can’t stop, won’t stop praying for desire
Like the bunny on the screen feel so energized
Old shell gone without a trace, new face
No more shortness of breath, new pace
Live life now without the taste of fear
TOBYMAC, Double Dutch now let the smoke clear
~"Burn For You" by Toby Mac

TobyMac on a Wednesday

12.16.04 (7:47 am) [edit]

So tonight I went to bible study with Michelle and Jadah, and then we went out to TGI Friday's. It was a good time. Josh and Matt came out with us a well. Jadah is quite humorous on little sleep. I imagine this is how Jadah would be drunk. She hasn'r drank a drop though, so she has no clue. Yes, she is 21, but is afraid to drink before she is married. See she knows she gets more flirty when she is tired, so she is afraid and is almost positive that she will get rather provacative when she drinks. Michelle can't wait till I get to be 21. Not so that I can drink with her as she hasn't touched it either, but so that I can attend a concert at one of the boat casinos with her. At least Amy will drink with me at home when I turn 21. It's not that I'm a lush, but there are some drinks that are good, and I know how to handle myself and know my limit.

Anyway, we got into some deep conversations at Friday's. One being what is the difference between cute, pretty, hot, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, and if they were all in the same category. I almost became Jadah's "favorite boy" since I hesitated when I was asked if a car could be "sexy." Yes they can be, and if you ask any guy (guys back me up on that one) he will agree. If he doesn't, chances are he's 1.) a geek and doesn't even have a car or really even leave the house, or 2.) gay. I'm sure there's some exception to the rule, but on a whole, that seems to be the case. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Some of my "roommates" last term were even call some computer equipment sexy. I dunno, thats where I draw the line. Calling a car "sexy" normally has something to do with how the opposite sex will respond to it, but I don't think girls will ever think a guy is more hot because of his computer components. I dunno, I'm sure there are exceptions, and probably even at Rose, but whatever.

So I heard this from Matt, apparently it was in the news, but he said that some guy in the Middle East decided to play a practical joke on his taxi driver and put on an Osama Bin Laden mask and jump out of the car, and I guess try to scare the guy. Instead, the guy thinking he was catching Osama, pulled out his gun and shot the guy 3 times. The guy is currently in Intensive Care. I guess the guy ended up on the wrong side of that joke.

I got my first Christmas present tonight. Michelle gave me TobyMac's new album, "Welcome to Diverse City", and I'm lovin' it. It is better than his first. I was gonna post a Tom Petty song I had been listening to earlier, but now it just feels wrong. So here comes a Toby song that just feels so right at this moment.

I’m staring unaware cause I’m in the zone
It moves in like a fog on a seaside road
Paralyzed by the signs and the deafening tone
I’m on a lock like a jock with a broken bone
I can see the real game and I want to get in it
I can read your headline and I am dying to spin it
Man down in the clutches of his own desire
I got to find the kind of speed that will put out a fire

I need a getaway car, I gotta get out of here fast and far
I need a getaway car, I wanna flea what I see, wanna be where you are
I need a getaway car, I gotta get out of here fast and far
I need a getaway car

I put my hand on the wheel before I change my mind
I put my foot to the floor and I start to fly
I keep my eyes on the road so I don’t get spun around
To the nightmare I’ve been delivered from
It’s a brand new day, I drove hard all night
I thank God for the sun as it starts to rise
I take a peek in the mirror and my past is gone
I’m feelin’ free as a bird with a new song

Now I ain’t gonna stop ‘til I find your peace
I gotta get to the place where it’s you and me
So fill’er up now, and let’s roll
Gonna drive through the night ‘til you touch my soul
Said I ain’t gonna stop ‘til I find your peace
I gotta get to the place where you’re all I need
So fill’er up, let’s roll
I’m gonna drive through the night till you touch my soul

Let’s ride all night, let’s shift this thing into overdrive
~"Getaway Car" by Toby McKeehan
P.S. Who the hell is XxXscoreXxX and moda mola?

Supertones on a Monday

12.14.04 (9:03 am) [edit]

So I originally wrote this last night, but tBlog was being dumb and wouldn't let me post it. So you get to wait till now to read it. So for those of you who like to read it between midnight and now, sorry, so sue me, sue me, what can you do me? I love you.

Ahh great musical.

So apparently, if you point out that my Xanga readers never comment, someone from that realm will comment, but once you don't mention them specifically, they won't comment any more. Kind of a rip off if you ask me. Maybe I have insulted their pride enough with that to get a comment out of them on this post.

So tonight I went to the Christmas party of my old high school's FCA, and was constantly reminded why I was so glad to get out of high school. It has nothing to do with the school, or my friends or even really the area. But the maturity level of high school just drove me up the wall. Maybe I mature quickly for my age, I don't know, but I sat there constantly going, "Was I this annoying?" I wonder how high school teachers do it. See if I were ever a high school teacher, I would have to be 1.)an advanced level teacher, because teaching those that don't want to learn would drive me up the wall and I would fail them, and 2.)a coach for either baseball or football or a theatre director. I think #2 would be my primary reason for being a teacher in the first place as I would love that much more than any of my teaching, but whatever.

I wish I could be a theatre major. If I honestly thought that I could make a living as a theatre major, I would do it in a heart beat. Theatre is one of the few things that can just take me away from life and completely sooth my soul. When I am on stage, the rest of the world disappears and I am immortal. For those few minutes, nothing I have done in the past matters, and every eye is on me. It is my time to shine. I can make people laugh or just become completely enveloped in my every action. I love attention and love to make people laugh and bring a smile to their face.

Smiles are the most beautiful thing I think ever created. A single smile can capture everything and reflects a happyness that cannot be contained inside and must be shared with everyone in contact. See a smile is more contageous than an STD at Sigma Nu. Ever tried glaring at someone with a big, genuine smile on their face? It's near impossible.

I think smiles are the first thing I look for in a girl. If she has a gorgeous smile, it catches my eye, and I become interested. I think second would have to be the eyes. I love deep, bold eyes. The kind of eyes that you see twinkle from across the room, that just simply intrigue you and cause you to just want to know more about this girl. But these eyes are not as important as the smile. If a girl does not have a gorgeous smile, I find it extremely hard to date her, as chances are I will not be attracted to her. Ever girl I have dated has had an amazing smile.

Speaking of things I love, my Cardinals have not been acquiring the people I wanted so far in the offseason. Today, Mike Matheny, probably my favorite player, signed with the San Francisco Giants for 9 million over 3 years. They about doubled offers from everyone else, so I can understand why he would sign with them, but I still wish he could have finished out his career as a Cardinal. They better sign Edgar Renteria, although it seems as though if they can't get him they will get Orlando Cabrerra instead who is still a mighty good shortstop, but hes still not Renteria and Edgar has been here for years, we want to keep him.

Well, I'm getting tried and so I think I will leave you with some Supertones to rock your soul. I love this band and this song expresses the energy of their shows that just cannot be matched.

I love the way this feels
To tell the truth real
The music hits your head and chest
And now you know the deal
Given the dream when I turned nineteen
And the last four years we’ve been playing to whoever
The six of us together headed out to wherever
Four years older, twenty three wiser
Still not tired of going off like geyser
We ain’t everything that we’re cracked up to be
Down with the king like jay and run dmc
Step on the stage, move the groove steadily
Keep our heads on and splurge the word readily

Another night, another show
My whole soul’s fired up and ready to go
Another night, another show
My whole soul’s fired up and ready to go

No wait, don’t turn away
There’s something I must say
If god’s not glorified
We shouldn’t be here today
’cause if we ain’t speaking christ
We ain’t speaking nothing
Look into my eyes and
You tell me if I’m bluffing
From here on out we’re going all out light it up with no doubt
Evangelize and edify that’s what we’re all about
Don’t know what God has in store
But that’s the way we’re headed
With the pedal to the floor
~"Another Show" by the O.C. Supertones

Relient K on a Sunday

12.12.04 (8:23 pm) [edit]

So today was rather unproductive, but at the same time, I got to talk to some people that just made my day. I've been talking to someone even more recently that I didn't talk with much. It's really nice to open up and just have some real quality conversations with this person. This person is a really interesting person, one thing that attracted me to them in the first place. But our friendship had started to go downhill somewhat to the point of basically not talking at all, so it is really nice to get that back.

I think my family is having trouble adjusting to me coming home as well. They had finally adjusted to a life without me, besides the occasional visit and now I'm back in their lives again. I can tel they are making an effort to want to include me but still let me do what I want to do. It's a very thin line, but the effort is there, so it makes me happy. I think they are finally beginning to understand me. It's nice, I can actually talk to my dad about stuff, something I didn't have much of before. I think I understand them a little more as well, so that helps. I know things like my mother just craves that little stuff like a hug and being told how awesome her cooking is, and sometimes to simply receive a hug out of the blue. She knows we love her and appreciate all she does for us, but she loves and dies for daily reminders. We hated it growing up, and would roll our eyes, but I have learned how much it means to her, and begun to do it when I remember.

So for New Years Eve, I think I'm gonna try to go to Columbus to visit a few friends, prolly stay at Nick's house. Everyone should meet me there. I think for most of my friends, it is only an hour or two away, so it would be so worth it. I miss all you guys and would love to see you to party it up for the new year.

The job search has still yet to be successful. I still have my fingers crossed but have a few places I am gonna check tomorrow. Anyone in Belleville know of ny place hiring? At this point I just need a job, I'm not that picky.

Speaking of which, I think I am going to go alumni for Pike, which means when I return in the spring, I currently have no residence, so if you know of someone who would like an apartment mate for a term, or some other place I could live, that information is appreciated as well.

I love Swtichfoot, such a good band.

Ever get tired of hearing Christmas carols on the radio and just want to hear the normal hits? Maybe I'm just the grinch this year, but when I turn on the radio, I want to hear more upbeat music, stuff you can move and dance to. While the carols put you in the Christmas spirit, if I wanted to listen to that, I would turn it to an old person station. And what is with the modern artists trying to do Christmas carols, but in their style. Are you kidding me. Jingle Bells were not meant to be heavy metal. There are a couple things artist should not mess with so much and try to make it their own: The Star Spangled Banner and Christmas carols. Am I the only one tired of hearing every artist try to put their spin on our national anthem before some sporting event and just totally tear it to bits?

I think it's appropriate to end on some Relient K, which has become a favorite band of mine.

Whoa-o...I’ve been banging my head against the wall
Whoa-o...for so long it seems I knocked it down, yeah it got knocked down
Whoa-o...and the heating bill went through the roof
Whoa-o...and the wall I knocked down was the proof
That my landlord needed to kick me out

I got evicted now I’m living on the street
My spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn’t me
Too many turns have turned out to be wrong
This time I learned that, I knew it all along

When car crashes occur
Then I’ll be what you were
When I see what I should
When I see that it’s good (that it’s good)

To experience the bittersweet
To taste defeat
Then brush my teeth
Experience the bittersweet
To taste defeat
Then brush my teeth

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion
Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
It’s harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again

Whoa-o...I’ve been banging my head against the wall
Whoa-o...for so long it seems I got knocked out. yeah, I got knocked out cold
Whoa-o...and the medical bills went through the roof
Whoa-o...and the scar on my head is the proof
That I’ll still remember this when I get old

I got evicted now I’m living on the street
My spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn’t me
Too many turns have turned out to be wrong
This time I learned that, I knew it all along

When I grasp the concept
Then I’ll sleep where you slept
When I know I need help
When I allow myself (allow myself)

To experience the bittersweet
To taste defeat
Then brush your teeth
Experience the bittersweet
To taste defeat
Then brush your teeth

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
It’s harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again

Cause I struggle with forward motion
Cause I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

(cause forward motion is harder than it sounds.
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
Well everytime I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again)

Cause I struggle with forward motion
Cause I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

Cause I struggle with forward motion
Cause I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion
~"Forward Motion" by Relient K

Eve 6 on a Saturday

12.11.04 (9:26 pm) [edit]

So this being my fourth post in a row, I feel like I am finally becoming a regular at this. Which was the plan all along, but I get so busy. Whatever.

So apparently, people take things on blogs incredibly serious. I put my thoughts here, none of which are meant to offend people. I'm not sure if I have offended many with my blog, but I know a few that have been offended by other's blogs. But if anything on here offends you, know that it was not the purpose of my statements or probably the others I know. And this seems to be nothing new and I have bitched about it before, but whatever. Blah. So I have changed my disclaimer for my tBlog readers.

Not much to talk about here. Went to a Christmas party tonight. It was pretty fun. Boy do I get competitive sometimes, even just a party board game. I won the "I Have Never" game, which apparently means I was the most boring person. But then I won the reverse, "I Have" game, meaning I have done it all. So apparently with the first one, you state something you have never done and everyone who has done it has to put a penny in the center. Everyone starts with 10 pennies and you keep going till only one person has pennies left. Then for the second game you state something you have done and all who hasn't puts in a penny. People were so confused how on earth I could win both games, but it's all in the statements. I carefully selected statements, cuz I wanted to win, while others just tossed out stuff. It was fun.

We told a lot riddles during dinner too. That was probably more fun than the games. My personal favorite was:
A man and his (biological) son get in a fatal car accident. The father dies in the accident and the boy is rushed to the hospital as he needs immediate surgery. The surgeon walks into the room, stops and states, "I cannot operate on this boy. He is my son." How is this possible?

It is amazing how many people that stumps for hours. It has actually been shown to prove that many people are sexist without even realizing it. If you have never heard this one, you can IM me any yes or no questions till you figure it out. Please don't post the answer and ruin it for so many.

Not much else, but I am amazed by the dificulty to find any job around here.

Leave ya with some Eve 6 for the soul.

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,
swallow my doubt
turn it inside out
find nothing but faith in nothing
want to put my tender heart in a blender
watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
rendezvous, then I'm through with you

I burn burn like a wicker cabinet
chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time has gotten stale,
the tick tock of the clock is painful
all sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
I hear words in clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach churns and I exhale

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,
I would swallow my doubt
turn it inside out
find nothing but faith in nothing
want to put my tender heart in a blender
watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
rendezvous, then I'm through with you

SoCal is where my mind states,
but it's not my state of mind
I'm not as ugly, sad as you
Or am I origami?
folded up and just pretend,
demented as the motives in your head

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,
I would swallow my doubt
turn it inside out
find nothing but faith in nothing
want to put my tender heart in a blender
watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
rendezvous, then I'm through with you

I alone am the one you don't know you need
take heed, feed your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close
sink when you get close, tie me to the bedpost

I alone am the one you don't know you need
you don't know you need me.
make me blind when your eyes close, time me to the bed post

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,
swallow my doubt
turn it inside out
find nothing but faith in nothing
want to put my tender heart in a blender
watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
rendezvous, then I'm through,
now I'm through with you

through with you

rendezvous then I'm through with you...
~Inside Out by Eve 6

Maroon 5 on a Friday

12.10.04 (10:04 pm) [edit]

I really love blogging. It's a place for me to put my thoughts. I've never really understood the point of a journal. Why would I write things down that I don't want anyone else to read? I'll just keep thise in my head and then no one else can stumble upon them.

I just wish people would comment. Especially those who love comments on their own blog. They should know how much it means, but whatever. No one usually comments on my Xanga, except occasionally Kiki or Tim. Blah.

Ever been driving down the road, and the song that plays on the radio just suits your mood so well at that point in time, that you just feel like you are in a film and you can just hear the background music going on? I dunno, maybe I'm weird.

Saw Ocean's Twelve tonight. A very good movie. Not at all what I expected, given the first one, but still a very good movie. One of these days, I would like to go into a movie without a preconceived notion of how it goes, and just let the movie take me how the director and writer planned. I think trailers take a littel away from the effect, but oh well.

George Clooney and Brad Pitt have an amazing chemistry together. I think these two guys are what makes Ocean's Eleven and Twelve just over the edge good. It was great to see they got all of the original cast, and Julia Robert's role was quite amusing.definately worth the money paid to see it.

So I have decided that the language I will learn is C++, b ut first I plan to refreash my memory on Java, since it has been since freshman year that I touched it. I still have the book, which I am very glad I kept. It even has exercises in it, so I can see my progress and understanding, and can even test it. I got JCreator back. Aparently there is a cheaper freeware online, so I have that. I'll get the real version when I take CS220, so when I actually need it, I'll have the full version, but for now I have something to play with. Mmmm, new toys.

Wow, that was an incredibly toolish moment.

I'm hungry, I get fed well here, but I seem to still be constantly hungry. My dad thinks I may be growing again. I don't know how much taller I need to be. I always wanted to pass up my dad, but I did that back in high school. I don't need girls to be intimidated by my height. Especially since there are several hot short girls. Blah. Whatever.

So my life has been changing rapidly, I can barely keep up. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. Things don't seem to follow the plan I have laid out for them. I need to get away from my dependency of plans. Nothing goes according to plans any more. But if I can see a plan in front of me, I can see the big picture a lot better and I then feel a lot better about where I am in life. I just need to see things are gonna work out in the end. Maybe God is trying to show me that I'm not really in control, so making a plan is pointless because it won't stick to it. No, maybe I just need to leave more breathing room, in case something doesn't go exactly according to plan. It's good to plan ahead, but you can't just plan for one way, as life doesn't have a copy of this plan, so it makes it hard for life to follow it. You need room for adjustment, just like any improv on stage. You don't know how others gonna respond to things, since you don't have a script of what they are gonna say and do, so you have to leave some room to deal with wherever they may take it.

Gotta love some Maroon 5 to end this post. Take care, and if you really love me, you will leave a comment.

Sunday morning, rain is falling
Steal some covers, share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy,
Living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

You may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Oh, come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow, driving slow (all I need, all I see)
oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah (bones with me)
I'm a flower in your hair
yeah yeah, yeah yeah
~Sunday Morning by Maroon 5

Santana on a Thursday

12.09.04 (8:07 pm) [edit]

So I hate coming up with subject lines, so I have stolen Nick's creative subject titles, since I have just lost creativity in that area. If you don't like it, you can kiss me. Haha, not what you thought I was gonna say, but if you are pissed, would kissing my ass really make it any better? But straight up kissing me might. :-P

I changed up the look a little. I think I like this better. We'll see.

After reading some comments, (which thank you to all who did, keep it up) I am left wondering, who the hell is KRAZEDONE??

So today was a pretty unproductive day as a whole. I went to a temp agency, and was pretty much kindly turned away. Turns out it's hard to find a job unless you have experience, even at a temp agency. So since during summers I never held much of a real job (I have been a day camp counselor, and worked at DQ), and they won't even count my work study job as a real job. I was telling her all the things I've done with the job including designing some very nice media guides, and she seemed rather interested until she realized it was with a college. Her facial expression just dropped as she mutters, "Oh, with a college.....um well why don't you just take a brochure and come back and put in an application later if you are still interested." Are you frickin kidding me?? And no one will hire a waiter unless he has experience waiting. How the hell do these waiters get experience in the first place?? I'm a quick learner, I pick up on stuff rather quickly. I could probably even write code for a program to do it. I get turned away before people even really look into me. Gah!! I came home thinking I could get a job rather easy, especially with the holidays coming up. WTF, mate?

Went to Jimmy's wrestling match tonight. He wrestled JV again. Apparently when he was gonna challenge the guy in his weight class and move back into his Varsity spot, (even though this guy never challenged him, the coaches just put him there after the first meet) some kid challenged down and moved down a weight class, causing everyone above him to just move down. Don't ask me how that works, I have no clue. All I know, Jimmy decided that he could not beat the guy who is now in his weight class. So now he has to drop dowm and challenge that guy at just a new weight class, or stay JV for another year, since the guy now in his class is a senior. Jimmy's still 1-0 in varsity and undefeated as well in JV. You would think that would say something to the coaches. Whatever.

I then went to the bowling to sub for my dad. I am now a sub in a bowling league which means I don't have to pay to bowl, just for membership to the league ($15). It's rather fun. I'm getting better which makes it even more fun. I finally broke 200 with a 204 tonight. I now have a league average and a handicap. My average is now 173 with a 41 handicap. It's a fun league.

I'm tired of being at home already. It's nice to be involved in some stuff at home that I couldn't before, but I'd rather be studying my ass off at Rose, loaded down with hw, as crazy as that sounds. I am now in the praise band at my church and helping out with the drama team again, which is probably more my expertise. I loved it back when i was in high school and even ran it my senior year becuase there were no adults that would pick it up. I directed a few shorts, and wrote one, but got very little involvement from the youth of my church. Well apparently that has changed so maybe I'll be able to finally do the piece I wrote a while back. About this time next week will be kind of nice as people will be finally coming back.

I need to go christmas shopping, but I have no job and therefore, no source of income. Blah.

I've been really getting into Carlos Santana. He is amazing on the guitar. I just want half of his talent. If you could get me that for Christmas, that would be super.

Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies...ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied ooo

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

When's this fever going to break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around ooo
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied ooo

Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

Slowly I begin to realize this is never going to end
Right about the same you walk by
And I say 'Oh here we go again' Oh
Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

So I'll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in
~"Why Don't You and I" by Carlos Santana

Comment for crying out loud

12.08.04 (8:19 pm) [edit]

I would like to begin this blog by saying that like Nick, I love comments. It proves to me that someone actually reads my blog and I'm not wasting my time by posting another. See I often won't post until someone comments on the last one. I keep thinking, "Maybe no one has even read the last one, I don't want to overwhelm them with another." But then I talk to people who tell me its been a while sonce I posted a new one, so I know people read it, but people don't like to make my day by puting a comment. It doesn't even have to be an incredibly deep comment, just something so I know it's being read. Maybe I'll even start posting daily if people put me in such a good mood with their comments. Ok enough ranting.

Ahh Rose....My visit was nice. Got to see a lot of people. You realize that you actually are loved when you leave and people actually get excited to see you. It's a nice change. Some people even pushed for me to stay in Terre Haute some how. It was nice to actually see some concern from frineds when they realize they won't get to see you much for the next 3 months. Packing sucked though. I didn't want to accept the whole I won't be attending Rose for this term thing and packing up my stuff and leaving Terre Haute demanded it. It's been a crazy emotional last few weeks. I'm not sure when I'll get to visit the Haute again, so my Rose friends may just have to wait for their Christmas presents. Oh well, be glad you're getting anything. And if I don't get something for you this year, nothing personal, I just don't have a lot of money. So I have to draw the line somewhere. So I will just buy what I see and says to me, this would be good for (Person's Name here). So if I don't get something for you, either you are hard to shop for, or just expensive. So it's your fault you don't get a present anyway. I like that.

So the job search still continues on. I'm going to a temp agency tomorrow. They better be able to find me a job. It's their friggin' job after all.

I'll leave you with some dc Talk lyrics. Great stuff.

We all wanna be loved, yeah
We all want just a little respect
We all wanna be loved
Tell me what's wrong with that
Oh, somebody tell me

A rainy Monday afternoon
There's a funk over the city
Everybody's movin' to a different tune
Some are weak and some are strong
And some are sittin' pretty
And then there's others who are barely hanging on

It's no easy situation
People living in their separate worlds
But one thing we got in common is

We all wanna be loved
We all want just a little respect
We all wanna be loved
Tell me what's wrong with that

I've never heard a dying soul
Wish that he had taken
More time on his portfolio
I swear I've never heard a mama say
Should've never had that baby
As a doctor holds her newborn on display

It's the heavenly prescription
A little bit will go a long, long way
Just put yourself in their position, don't...

Faith and hope are worth a mention
But love is holding it's position

Love is a thing that we all crave
Let's get it straight
~Wanna Be Loved by dc Talk

Another update....gasp

12.02.04 (8:50 pm) [edit]

So I am really enjoying the Foxtrot cartoon right now. If you haven't seen them recently, I would suggest you see them.

Another funny link Why Women Live Longer

Hmm not much happened today and not many thoughts here. The job search continues, with not much results yet. At least I get to go back to Rose tomorrow and see peoples and get my stuff, which is actually the main reason I'll be back, but I love my Rose peoples and would rather just spend all my time being there. Whatever. At least I'll be back in time for the Ballroom Dancing Club, possibly the highlight of tomorrow night.

So I have joined a bowling league. It's kind of cool. I started bowling this year and actually did well. Bowling is so much more fun when you can actually do something. I actually bowled a 199 when I was home on fall break. Plus I am a sub in this league, so I don't pay each time I bowl, I just have to have a membership to the overall bowling conference and such, in case I bowl a 300 or something. But that's only $16, and a one time thing.

Been in a Linkin Park mood lately, can't describe it. I love this song, as it is the song that caused me to become a fan of Linkin Park in the first place. Love it.
Lyrics to Ponder:
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
Confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling
I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in

Without a sense of confidence,and I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting
Reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in

Without a sense of confidence,and I'm conviced
That there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
Confusing what is real
Its lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling
Confusing what is real
~Crawling by Linkin Park

An update

12.01.04 (9:02 pm) [edit]

So I am finally updating. These past few weeks have been absolutely nuts here. Well to start off, I was rather let go from Rose-Hulman. And out the window goes life as I knew it. My life has been changing so rapidly, I can barely keep up. This came as a shock to me. I never realized how many friends I truly have at Rose, till I leave and I have to say good bye to so many people. When people hear you will be gone the next term and they give you a hug like it's the last time the two of you will ever meet, it makes you feel nice. I just wish so many people wouldn't feel sorry for me. I hate that. It's nice that people will miss me, and it makes me feel loved, but much of this I did to myself and I'm man enough to take it head on. The hardest part is seeing people here at home and explaining to them what happened, because everyone wants to hear exactly what went wrong and such. My dad is quick to blame the fraternity, that they didn't help me enough and they should have known I was struggling and did nothing to help me through it. I have issues blaming anyone but myself. No one held me down and didn't let me go to class, no one hid my hw or wouldn't allow me to do it. Yes, it would have been nice for htem to help me through it and I probably would be studying right now, getting through winter term had they been there, but I didn't actively seek their help either. Maybe we can learn from this and not let it happen to someone else we know. There is no point in wondering what could have been, but we can always to look to improve it all. God knows I'm learning from this ordeal.

So now I'm looking for a job, somewhere, somehow. Probably something waiting tables or something. I would love to do what have been doing for work study, but it would be most difficult to break into that. If I could do that for the Cardinals, I think I would be in heaven. But no matter what, I need to continue to press on, and moving forward in life. I can't sit here and mope about how life sucks. I'll get a job, earn some money, finish my novel, and maybe teach my self some new programming languages (hey I'm gonna be a Computer Engineer). Speaking of which, any suggestions of which would help most to learn? This question is aimed mainly at Nick and Mike, but anyone is free to respond.

Ok now [B]Lyrics to Ponder:
Learning to Breathe [I]by Switchfoot[/B]

Hello, good morning, how You do?
What makes Your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is a way, that I say I need You
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how You been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
These abundant skies
Yeah, abundant skies, yeah

This is a way that I say I need You
This is a way that I say I love You
This is a way that I say I'm Yours
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
(Learning to breathe)
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
(Living again, awake and alive)
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
(I'm dyin')
Yes I'm dying to breathe in
(I'm dyin')
These abundant skies
These abundant skies, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm learning to breathe
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how You do?
How You do?
How You do?
(I'm dyin')[/I]

An update

11.14.04 (11:46 am) [edit]

So this weekend has been quite interesting. So Friday I went swing dancing in Indy and that was most rockin'. Then I came back and hung out with Nick and Sami. They are fun to hang out with. And then we made one of our famous IHOP trips. God, I love that place. They have some kicking omelets. So then when it came time to pay, Terre Haute First craps out on me. See randomly their system decides not to accept my debit card, and then just say they were having technical difficulties. Now of course this happens when the people I’m with don’t have any cash on them either so we have to go search out someone to help us out here. Major pain in the ass. My bank here is so unreliable, but sadly apparently still the most reliable option. The only other option is 5/3rd bank and they suck even more.

Well anywho, then we came back and watched Dogma, a very interesting movie. I think there a lot of interesting thoughts about religion and beliefs, some that I agree with, others that I don’t and some still that I just really had never thought about. I think one of the biggest things that they stressed that I agree with that faith isn’t something a church tells you, but personal. No one can tell you what to believe. They can show you what they believe and show you why they believe it, but you have to decide for yourself what moves you and what you believe, otherwise its not your beliefs, but someone else’s. And I hate it when someone believes something, but has no idea why they believe it. And just because that’s what your parents believe isn’t good anymore. It could pass in grade school but now you have to grow up and make some thoughts for yourself. Get into what you believe and search out what your true beliefs are. Who knows, it could happen to be exactly as your parents believe as well, but make this discovery for yourself.

Mudslides last night turned out pretty well. Nick and I are good. We had to experiment for the first couple of cups, but we had it down pretty quickly and they were quite good. Then we watched some good ole Jackie Chan movie and then Office Space till the wee hours of the night, just talking, which brings me to my next rant. So apparently, one of my closest friends’ boyfriend hates me. I’m not talking about not caring much for me, but hate me with a passion. Nothing either of us can say to this guy will convince him I’m not out to steal his girl from him. I’m not like that, I could never justify it, not to mention she is nuts about this guy. I could never do that to her. Hell, half the time we talk, it’s about him and how nuts she is about him and how she can’t wait to see him again. I’m that guy that won’t just roll my eyes when she gets so excited when she talks about him but think it’s awesome that she gets so excited by just talking about him. I love to see her so happy, not to mentions I love to see someone get so excited just thinking about that special someone. What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic.

I can’t wait to go home for break. I just really need a break and I can’t wait for this term to finally be done. So many things I would like to do over break, such as read a good book, possibly start on my own, and most definitely see some good friends. Wow I haven’t even seen Amy in ages and we used to hang out allllllll the time during the summer. Wow I miss that.

Now for some lyrics to ponder. Picture this: this young couple is absolutely in love. They get married with just a small wedding, just so happy to make this eternal commitment to the guy/girl of their dreams. A month into their marriage, they find out that she has terminal cancer. The doctors don’t give her 3 months to live. As they sit in a hospital bed, thoughts of death and life after death and what really comes after this life twirl around the room. She’s scared and doesn’t want to die, but he just simply smiles and continues to hold her hand and promise he will remain by her side and never let her hand go and they will face this together. This is a love song about this couple and if you can read this and your eyes don’t even get wet, there are problems.

Be still let your hand melt into mine.
The part of me that breathes when you breathe is losing time.
I can't find the word to say I'll never say goodbye.

I'll fly with you through the night so you know I'm not letting go.
I'm not letting go.
My tears like rain fill up the sky.
Oh my love I'm not letting go, I won't let you go.

I saw the host of silent angels waiting on their own.
Knowing that all the promises of faith come alive when you see home.
Hold still and let your hand melt into mine.

And I'll fly with you through the night so you know I'm not letting go.
I'm not letting go.
My tears like rain fill up the sky.
Oh my love I'm not letting go, I won't let you go.

Shed your heart and your breath and your pain and fly.

Now you're alive.
I'll fly with you through the night so you know I'm not letting go.
I'm not letting go.
Tears like rain fill up the sky.
Oh my love I'm not letting go, I won't let you go.
I'm not letting go, I won't let you go.
~”Fly” Jars of Clay

Having girl problems is as circular as a hangman's nuse

11.10.04 (9:56 pm) [edit]

So apparently if you are having girl problems and decide to talk about how confusing girls are, you can be burned at the stake for it. WTF, mate? Can a man post his thoughts about how a girl is the most confusing thing on earth to a guy without a girl taking it personally? He not like he is saying all girls are evil, we just don't understand you. And we never will. Guys and girls think differently, and therefore communicate differently, and therefore we will never understand each other. It's like speaking English to a Japanese person who only understands Japanese and assuming they are gonna respond in English. What this world needs is someone who knows both male and female communications to translate. I mean we would be screwed if it weren't for the Rosetta Stone so we could compare languages and try to translate to something we could understand until we could decipher. Guys will never understand girls, and that's just how it goes, and don't get offended when someone decides to talk about it. So there's my two cents there. For more check out my comment on Nick's Blog http://socandive.blogspot.com...

My Cardinals

10.28.04 (3:24 am) [edit]

I found this article and thought I may share it.

Cards' season should be celebrated
Despite rough ending, Redbirds accomplished much

Baseball Perspectives

Jim Molony

A disappointing World Series should not overshadow the outstanding year Tony La Russa and his Cardinals enjo